Auld Lang Syne

i'll do a proper blog post some time later on. but for now...since it's new year's eve, i wanna talk a bit about this very well known song. which is also playing on my player at the moment. i recently 'rediscovered' this song while surfing around.

Auld Lang Syne is probably one of the most famous songs in existence. It's based on a poem by Robert Burns (though his influences could have come from a variety of sources). The song is traditionally a dance. The title is in the Scots language, meaning "old long since" or "days gone by". In some fairy tales told in the Scots language, the phrase "in the days of auld lang syne" is used instead of "once upon a time".

Most of what I like about this song is that, after really listening to it, or rather, the instrumental version of it, I can really begin to appreciate the significance of the song. Cos as I may have mentioned before, I've come to an age now when the past is a significant entity. Days have gone by and people have come and gone, leaving only memories behind. The song sings of events of yesteryear shared between friends and loved ones. They drink to the good memories and pray to not forget each other.

THIS VERSION of Auld Lang Syne particularly strikes me. It uses Kenny G's version and superimposes it with sound clips of significant events in the past. It's like a little memorial of things past. Reminds me of those war memorials that have the inscription "lest we forget". It's such a poignant feeling that the song invokes, especially the use of the sax. Somehow the sound of this instrument always reminds me of loneliness, a bit of sad reminiscence.

Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and never brought to mind ?
Should old acquaintance be forgot,
and days of auld lang syne ?

CHORUS:

For auld lang syne, my dear,

for auld lang syne,

we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,

for auld lang syne.

And surely you'll buy your pint cup !
And surely I'll buy mine !
And we'll take a cup o' kindness yet,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have run about the hills,
and pulled the daisies fine ;
But we've wandered many a weary foot,
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

We two have paddled in the stream,
from morning sun till dine (dinner time) ;
But seas between us broad have roared
since auld lang syne.

CHORUS

And there's a hand my trusty friend !
And give us a hand o' thine !
And we'll take a right good-will draught,
for auld lang syne.

CHORUS

to all members of ex-LC

remember the NUS choral workshop we attended? i got the video of "Table of Plenty". click HERE to watch.

hoping for my own little christmas miracle

dear santa,

this year for christmas, i think i don't really need material stuff. i need all those little non-material things that money can't buy. for instance, self confidence, a renewed enthusiasm in life and the ability to handle situations that may otherwise overwhelm me.

christmas has come again, will be arriving in about 4 hours time but i don't feel it. it feels just like another mundane day in my mundane life. that's a problem see. i don't seem to get so excited about special times like this anymore. like that song: "where are you christmas? why can't i find you? why have you gone away?"

sure, you say christmas changes as you grow, your perception of those special days change. but i think, sometimes, it's like, i don't want it to change. i want it to be like it was years ago, when christmas was so much fun and joy.

anyway, what's really on the top of my christmas miracle wishlist is kinda predictable. i've been harping on about it for the past 6 months at least. firstly, i want to get good grades and maintain my cap score. then, once that is achieved, i want to apply to go for SEP and i want to be successful in my application.

so santa, how about it? do you think you'd be able to make my christmas wish come true?

love,
me

p.s. sorry for all the babbling.

long over time for another blog post

using point form to avoid forgetting what i wanna say. tho i think i'll have forgotten a lot anyways. read on!

1. SCO collaboration
the collaboration with the sco was a blast! loved it. it was well worth all those late nights and horrible songs cos it all came together so beautifully. i now have a new found appreciation for chinese/buddhist music. it was such an experience singing at the indoor stadium. i mean, the place is HUGE! the sound is so...woah! you have to be there to know. i mean, hey, this is a freaking STADIUM! not a concert hall or theatre. btw, it was a full house event. and MM LKY was there also. of course, he vanished after the interval, but, he was there. oh ya, the event is a fundraising thing in aid of Singapore Buddhist Federation, Maha Bodhi School and SCO.

saw that group that does the thousand hand guan yin thing. it's one thing seeing it on tv, it's completely another seeing it live. they are so talented lor! and it's true lah, the eye is more accurate than the ear. did you know, that group of performers are disabled? those that did the guan yin are deaf. they rely on two guides standing on the corners of the stage to signal them. then, they did another item and the main performer for that was a guy with no arms. btw, this is the 'china disabled people's performing arts troupe'. they are all damn talented lah. that's all i can say.

then there were those tantric monks from tibet. they did their chanting in this really low and low tone. it's like...growling. but they did it in such a way that there's an overtone when they do it. definition of overtone: "one of the higher tones produced simultaneously with the fundamental and that with the fundamental comprise a complex musical tone." but how people explain to me, when two similar wavelengths collide, it produces a completely different sound. it was so amazing. the monks were doing that low growling thing, and i could hear a higher harmony with it. woah!!!!! i feel close to enlightenment. that item was probably one of my favourites. immediately after the monks 'chanting' thing, the SCO drumline led by the abbot of the monastary did an item. it was like, the chanting chanting, then BOOM! of the chinese drum and the thunderous rumble of the chinese drumline. think ancient china/mulan kind of thing. and then the choir coming in with the om mani padme hum. *g* the way it completely filled the stadium was overwhelmingly overwhelming.

then at the end, before the nan wu ah mi tuo fo, when the monks went up to chant a prayer, it was so cool, i could see members of the audience joining in also, in prayer. and i was like, woah! it was just the whole religious-ness of the event in a setting that is not overtly religious. know what i mean? anyway, like i said, it was an EXPERIENCE.

i like the sco conductor tsung yeh. i like the way he conducts and handles the orchestra and the choir. he reminds me of a little pixie. it's his permed hair and his itsy bitsy little eyes. very cute. it's nice to work with him. he's not like nelson who's capable of losing his temper any which way. hope can work more with sco in future. it's definitely a worthwhile thing

2. carolling session (yams)
alrighty. due to good or bad luck, no one called us for carolling this year. and frankly, after the session at the yams, i'm kinda glad it happened. cos the session was just short of a disaster. lucky the yams are kinda like zhi zi ren. so, screwing up doesn't make me feel too bad. i mean, bad is bad, but screwing up in front of people who are strangers is completely worse than screwing up in front of familiar people. anyway, they had fun and that was important. the first sort of official gathering since LC disbanded. anyway...move on with that.

3. carolling session (SKCL)
and today we had our second carolling session at a bigger venue. sengkang community library. verena asked us to do it. it was WAY better than at the yam's place. important that it was better cos this is public. we're performing for people we've never seen before, who have never seen or heard of us before. and i think we did ok. not the best, but definitely far away from worse. the energy level was high, that's important. anyway, proud of you guys! it was a blast today!

4. dance rehersal
last night we held a little rehersal for the feast day. had to teach them the dance steps. digress a little bit, you know what? i watched highschool musical for myself over the weekend. and the stupid song's choreo was so much easier in the movie, compared to what we're supposed to be doing now. i mean, when i first saw the clip, i thought it was tough, no way i could get them to do it, that's why i left it to the choreographer. thought they could do it easier than the movie. but, it became more difficult instead.

anyway, never mind. i chose not to control the choreo so let's not dwell on it. tian did a lot of the demo last night cos she's so good with the steps. thanks for benedict for showing up and convincing the guys to participate also. the first half of the song went quite well. bhangra all the way baby! then the chorus was fun once we got the hang of it. haha! hopefully by the 30th the steps will come more naturally. the part to do with a partner tho...heeh. not too sure of that. cos, the tendency is for the girls and guys to not want to have anything to do with each other. plus, the steps were for the more acrobatically inclined bodies. so...we decided to just leave that to the professionals to do. haha!

embarrassing moment. i brought my laptop to the church so that i could play the song. and in between, when we were learning the steps sans music, the screensaver came on. and the most embarrassing picture ever to reside in my laptop popped up on screen. it was a photoshopped picture of a topless clay. when they saw it, they got all excited and "oh my god irene! why is there a naked man on your computer?!" for the record, he was NOT NAKED. he was just topless. and there's nothing wrong with having a picture of a topless man. geez. there goes my image. out with the evil online alter ego.

the "when you believe" is going well also i think. andrea and benedict are just about ready. all i need to do now is to find a minus one track for them to sing to. so...who knows how to make a minus one track, please help me. and don't google it and give me the google results. i've done that already. i've already tried all that i can try, which are mainly through search engines. and i don't know how else to do it. but there's still one more week to try. *hopeful*

5. hanging out at ty's place
went out with ty and dh the other day. monday met them at parkway for lunch, some shopping. bought a really nice stainless steel ring. i just realised that the pattern on the ring, i thought it was engraving, but it's really a designed carved all the way through the ring. ie the metal band has a design carved in it. very beautiful i think. this is my new favourite ring. as in, after my mood rings (which i think wearing too much will spoil it).

anyway, then, went to ty's house and watched "meet the fockers". it was damn funny lah. ate ice cream even though it was raining like the end of the world outside. girls can always enjoy a chocolate ice cream. yup. long time since i ate ice cream.

well, later when i got home, ty told me she made a mistake about the thumbdrive she gave me. so, we arranged to meet up the next day to go and return her the drive. so next day me went to her place second round. it was nice. long time since i spent any quality time with any of my friends. weather was good.

played with her dogs. at least ty knows how to train a dog. maybe that's why i can't get a dog just yet, cos i don't know how to train it. anyway, her Princess is very well behaved, albeit playful. and her new puppy Creamy...well, she's like a toy. small and FLUFFY. the kind of dog that i very scared of stepping on by accident. i realised that this year is probably the year i spent with the most dogs. haha! looking forward to the day i can get one of my own. a nice golden retriever. :D

alrighty. i think all for now. still trying to figure out my timetable. i got 4 modules confirmed, just one more that i don't know what to take. and then, there's the SEP. fingers crossed that my latest exam results qualify me to apply. i think, if i don't get to do the SEP, i'll go and apply for music lessons instead. piano or violin. hmm...



mood: sleepy
listening to: the great divide - gino vannelli

what's up!!!

well...here i am again. not too sure what kind of post this will turn out to be. realised that sometimes i start out feeling ok when i begin, and end up totally depressed by the end of the post. but, for now, i'm happy. slightly hyper. so i think i'll try and stay away from depressing stuff. but, let's start. (spelling's kinda bad today. muahaha)

gonna be really really busy this week. choir everyday. the SCO performance this friday. kinda looking forward and dreading that one. looking forward cos i'm gonna get to sing at the indoor stadium. how cool is that? with a full chinese orchestra. with a bevy of buddhist monks and hundred strong combined choir. guess what we're singing. buddhist chants. yup. figure, 'nan mo ah mi tuo fo' kind of stuff. one of our pieces is "om mani padme hum". cool right! think funeral songs. (no offence to buddhists out there). and as you sing the songs, you can induce self-hypnosis. lol! it's THAT tedious and chanting. of course, only my friend aaron could sing those songs and get more and more frustrated and agitated by the end of it. lol! attended combined rehersal with the other choirs last night. wah, there was this chorus from shanghai (which i suspect that crazy china guy was from). they are SO powerful lor. some of them were sitting in front of me and i was so overwhelmed by them. they were like blasting at every turn. not that they sounded bad or anything. far from that. they were just so LOUD. very funny thing, the SCO assistant conductor was sitting in and he was commenting that the male chorus should do some kind of downward glide sound at the end of phrases (you know the kind that sounds like you losing steam by the end of a long phrase, the 'breaking down' sound) cos the monks have the tendency to do that without warning. funny.

another quick thing...you remember there was this story about this guy called Fear-Not? the one about this guy who's can't feel fear. he falls in love with this girl but the father refuses to let him marry her until he finds out the meaning of fear. so, he leaves the village and goes in search of fear. he comes to a castle where he spends the night and lots of fearsome things happen, but he doesn't fear them and easily overcomes them. he returns to the village where he finds out that his beloved is sick and dying. it's then that he feels fear that he might lose her. and so he discovers fear. remember that story? i remember watching a version of it on a plane years ago. wanting to find a copy of it. anyone know, please tell me k. :D

A Thousand Days is listed as New This Week on Power98. so, here's me sitting by the radio, waiting to hear it. how crazy is that? haha! i don't really like listening to radio nowadays. the kinds of songs they play. don't know what's going on sia. generation gap liao. like right now, i have no idea what's the song supposed to be doing. those new generation hip-hop stuff. you know, i got a theory why hady won and jonathan didn't. cos jonathan sings more pop rock kind of stuff but hady does r&b. and nowadays, you see the trend towards r&b type of music more than pop. it's ok in certain doses, but too much get's kinda bad. haha!

the FDD dance item! that is HILARIOUS i tell you. when you try and get a bunch of people who do better singing and try to get them coordinated and do complicated hip hop moves. i'm aching all over today cos the choreographer was forcing me into positions that i can't go into. lol! old liao. but it was fun. like mass dance. don't know how we're going to pull it off on the day itself, but for now, we'll just have fun and whack it.

midnight mass is gonna rock this year too. paul playing the organ in his own ways. woah! like for instance, the Salisbury Alleluia, he played the bass sounding like those traditional chinese drums. think of those high celebrations at the forbidden city, with the strong dramatic drum beats. add in the brass, strings and piano line plus strong vocals. WOAH! and paul and daryl are gonna work out something where both the organ and piano play at the same time. and waxing eloquent about that song "come into my heart lord jesus". the sopranos can pull off the high parts in the end, it'll totally rock! looking forward to that one. :D




mood: content
listening to: i need a girl - p diddy

cd review

Okay, aurry kinda talked me into writing a quick review on the EP, "All Is Well". So, CAS mass ordered the EPs for us here in Singapore. I collected my copy from this afternoon, rushed home to listen to it. My brother went with me to get it and when he saw it, he was like, "Huh?! Only 4 songs?!" But, never mind, moving on. Geez. Love the cover photo. Like someone said, it's worth buying just for the cover alone. I'm smiling, just looking at the picture. Love it also that there's lyrics included this time. :D

First song, "All is Well". I have to admit that I was a bit apprehensive about this song whose concert versions I heard thus far left me cringing. But, this one completely blew me away. Showcasing Clay's huge range, it creates an image of a Christmas eve long ago with angels and wise men. To quote myself, "A night of magic and miracles. A night where, in the far off past, a child was born who would be saviour of the world". Prayerful and touching beginning to the song culminating in a powerful and joyous proclamation of the Christmas message.

Next, "Christmas Waltz". Well, nothing spectacular. The thing is practically a clone of the last Joyful Noise Tour version. That's all I can say about it. It was nice, but it was a little unmemorable. I'm really wondering why this song is included. It doesn't really seem to fit into the theme that the other three set.

"O Come Emmanuel". This is another one of those that I was apprehensive about (hearing him sing it at the JNT). But like AIW, I was wrong. This rendition is so smooth and heartfelt. It's more prayerful and reflective rather than overbearing and showy. I'm glad of this, cos this is such a beautiful song. The glory notes are strong without being too overwhelming. That's really good cos as much as we love to hear Clay in all his glory, too much isn't very nice either.

"My Grown-Up Christmas List". Lots of high expectations for this song. Vocally, this song lives up to expectations. But…I think the accompaniment could be a bit better. The guitar sounds disjointed to me. To me, it could sound better with a stronger piano. But then again, this is obviously the effect they wanted to create, so I'm not going to argue with them. Just noticed, the guitar did a very cute ending. (either that or my mind's playing tricks on me again) But, beautiful song to end the set.

So, conclusion, the EP is very well done and songs chosen are quite fitting to the message it wishes to send, about the joy and hope of Christmas that transcend from ancient times to the present and into the future. Overall, although it is a bit on the high price side (for me), most of Clay's fans, whether die-hard or casual, will enjoy listening to this beautiful collection. So, on my all purpose scale, I give it 3 out of 5 stars.

ranting and ramblings

lots to talk about today. wanna clear the 'backlog' of what's been happening in my life. sit back, relax, and get comfortable. long post alert.

let's talk about the exams first. they're over! yay! EL2101 was my favourite. it was at temasek hall. i never knew they had an underground hall there. so interesting. anyway, that exam went quite well until the last question where he started asking us about why a certain sentence agreement is weird. which was a weird question cos i didn't find anything weird about it. but...crapped out an answer. at least, kim didn't ask anything about moving the negatives around. i didn't really look through that section. but, confident (more or less) about the rest. don't think can get an A cos of the CAs and the grade curve. but at least a B. haha!

then, there was EL2151. THAT WAS BAD. the questions were kinda out of the blue. i never really knew what to expect with that module. like, the first question was a 3 part, gave us 3 statements and asked us what was wrong with them. for instance "in a multilingual society, there will be at least some people who are diglossic." huh?! i admit. i didn't study too hard for this module. i had no idea what to study for it. it's like GP. what do you study for GP? so anyway, i crapped up answers which are not too good i think. so, low grade for that one. but can pass. btw, i hate it when my name is so near the front that i have to sit so near the front. it's so sickening being eyeball to eyeball with the examiners.

and then. MA2101. *cue dramatic music* there was this china guy standing outside the venue that was freaking me out. know why? cos he literally had his nose buried inside his notes. he was frantically flipping through his notes, his face literally only centimetres away from the book. scary. and i was like, ohmygod! anyway, that went alright. should have studied more cos i find that the questions were actually quite easy, if and only if i studied hard enough. which i didn't. but, it was ok. i think (hope) can pass, even though there were some questions that i kinda crapped up and didn't know what i was doing. lol! glad it's over. learnt my lesson this sem. not to take linear algebra ever again.

GEK1500. that was...well, mixed lah. i kinda liked that module. but on that day, i was feeling damn dizzy and seasick for some reason. don't know why. in the 151 on the way to sch, it was aircon, but it was stuffy and crowded and raining. then, i alighted at YIH to walk to MPSH6. at MPSH6, hung around at this corridor area that was even more stuffy and sickening. so anyway, wasn't on my best when entering the exam hall. i'm sad to say that i think i'll do badly for this module. i left one mini-essay question completely unanswered cos i had no idea what it was saying. (ok, i didn't study that part of the module very closely). but i'll depend on the other sections, which i think were much much better. thank god, no negative marking. and this is the module where i was sitting literally eyeball to eyeball with dr soh. i hated it. bad enough that i don't know how to do his paper. worse that he can see very clearly that i don't know how to do his paper. sigh.

finally, MA1102 Calculus. well...it wasn't as bad as i predicted it to be. i'm proud to say that i finally got the squeeze theorem. right there in the exam hall. muahahaha! but, interesting thing, there are some people taking MA1102 that don't know the meaning of isoceles triangle and perimeter. actually, there were so many people not knowing it that the examiner had to make an announcement to explain what isoceles triangle and perimeter meant. oh. my. god. but then, i think they are those PRCs, maybe that's why they don't know. *shrugs* anyway, like i said, it waas better than i expected.

and that was the exams.

then, immediately after that, friday, had Jubilate's rehersals cum retreat. was stressing out the night before, trying to prepare games and songs and stuff for reflection. (nick didn't manage to help me, but then i asked him kinda late) anyway, the thing was held at the SJI cenacle room. very nice room actually. the first day went very well imo. i had to go pick up ruth from marion's house. then took the bus where we met tian at the canossa bus stop. :) then, we met the rest of the choir at the macpherson road bus stop. :D nice surprise. even genestine was there. so, for once, we were all on time. yay!

my plan was to start with some prayertime, then do the hokey pokey dance (i d/l-ed the crazy farmer version), then play twister and the story game. ok, so, the prayertime was ok. i think. then, the dance. muahahahahaha! i didn't expect too much anyway. then twister. that was fun! lol! they really loved it. especially the younger girls. haha! next time we have parties, we've already gotten one game to play. so ok. then, was going to play the story game that i learnt from nus choir. the one where you take some words and make sentences into a story. they were SO reluctant to form up groups. cos i wanted them to mix and not be in the same group with the same people all the time. btw, before that, br michael broughton dropped in to talk to us for a bit. i not really sure what was his point actually. something about serving god and proclaiming liturgy through music. hmm...

practice after that was ok. managed to get stuff done. but i think by the end of the day, people get tired liao. so they started to get really restless. understandable lah.

after practice, did a little reflection exercise that i crapped up. or...in keeping with what i tried to preach, a little reflection exercise that the grace of god inspired me to do. i showed the Father's Love Letter video that i found. i love that video. it's so meaningful and it's so amazing that the entire letter is made up of quotes from all over the bible. talk about a secret biblical code! beats the da vinci code hands down. lol!

ya anyway, reflect a bit, then finished. went to toa payoh for dinner where practically the entire choir ordered fillet-o-fish. imagine. if we all ordered together. "hello. i want 12 fillet-o-fish meals please." what would the counter staff think. haha!

so that was the first day. was so exhausted but happy it went well. my first time running something like this. hopefully my last time also. all that stress and paranoia can't be good for me.

second day didn't go too well. was running late. dad said that tian was the first one there. poor girl had to go and sit in the cenacle by herself and wait for the rest of us to show up. then, there was only her, me, ruth, aloy, colleen and ritche around at 10am. so...not much point in trying to do our story game follow up. the girls played twister for a bit, then watched some of my videos. lol! became a screening session. was watching "You Raise Me Up", "Tong Hua", "Madagascar Penguins Christmas Caper". then, decided to sit down and screen a movie. might as well, since i planned the morning for games but there wasn't enough people to play. so, we watched "The Nightmare Before Christmas". very apt, as dawn commented.

dawn dropped by with lunch. by then, benedict had arrived with the yams. so we did some practice. i guess it was ok. very scared about how we're going to handle carolling this year. i have no idea where to start with the organising. i scared that tmr khoo's gonna say that it's too late to put announcement in the bulletin. then what? scrap the carolling? i'm more than happy to. but how about the rest of the choir. how will they feel about that? especially those who have been faithfully attending practices and sessions. :p

anyway, ended early and i rushed back to church cos the evening mass needed an organist. :p if there's one piece of advice i can give any organist, that is to never play for an unfamiliar choir without first rehearsing before hand. my first song "O come Emmanuel" was kinda bad. the song itself sucks lah. it's plain chant style and no time signature. and apparently (as i later found out) i was playing WAY faster than the choir is used to during mass. so...haha! laugh it off. i was assured that my tempo was appropriate. i mean, imagine "o come emmanuel" being slower and draggier than it already is. *cringe* it's entrance hymn! it's supposed to by a bit more joyous and welcoming. right?

the dinner was alright. passable. at least no mystery meat or anything. the prawn on a stick was nice. but paiseh to get more, since i didn't eat the vegetables (bittergourd and lady's finger). i don't know why they always have watery and tasteless bandung to drink. is it really that nice? i only drank it cos it was liquid and cold.

and then. after that. supposed to have the combined practice for the midnight mass. only 4 of my members showed up. but that was 100% more than the 2 who showed up from the sunset mass. so. sigh. i really think that my members should stop being so childish about combining choir with the sunset mass people. anyway. that practice went alright. loved that song "come into my heart lord jesus". paul picked that very well.

yup. and that was saturday. sunday. what happened on sunday is the biggest reason why i wanna just throw in the towel and do a disappearing act like all my predecessors. i instructed them all to come down at 9.30am. which is not asking too much cos that's the time they're supposed to show up anyway. no one showed up. only tessa and then ritche. which was kinda bad cos we were doing 'new' mass parts for that day. so, they all started trickling in just before mass began. the mass was bad. the choir couldn't be heard at all. even me just standing in front of them couldn't hear them. i kept signalling them to sing louder but they all had their eyes glued to the hymn book. yes i was and still am upset. then, 5 seconds before mass starts, they come and tell me that they don't know how to sing one of the hymns. fuck lah. i thought they knew it. the evening mass knew it wat. it was a common song imo. but they claimed to not know it. well, screw you. you should have come earlier to practice then. too late to do anything.

see lah, just thinking back about it makes me feel mad. i mean, is there still a point in keeping the choir open if the members are treating it like this? with this kind of attitude, our choir might as well degenerate into any of the other choirs in the church. just come, sing the same old song week after week and then leave. i'm trying to change things up a bit, make things nice. but obviously they don't care. why even bother coming anyway? easier to just close the choir. you go to your own preferred church and i'll go to mine. what's the point in hanging around this crap place anyway?

like today's st anthony's. first tuesday is our turn to do the devotion. it's been like that for years now. yet nobody bothers to show up. only tian was there. do you know how demoralising and sad it is when you take the trouble to show up and no one else does? do you know what it's like to have to play for a non-existent choir? it's not like st anthony's is a difficult thing to do. it's so damn easy. easier than the sunday mass even. just one hour a month, is that too much to ask?

i know i'm not a good leader, but this is getting ridiculous. do you even want to be in the choir anymore? again, it leads back to the same question. should Jubilate still exist? or should it just drop back into being the 10am choir? should i just close the choir down now?

"How long can a person float, looking at an empty horizon? How long do you drift before you call it quits?" how long indeed. i hated these past few months. with pressure from school work, from nus choir, from jubilate, from the church admin, from home. how long to you float trying to reach the next featureless point in the distance? fr paul talked about despair and hope in his last homily. i'm in despair and i have no hope. everyday i just pray that i die in my sleep. at least, get it over and done with. the end. no more. i'm going to step down next year. by easter, either Jubilate will have a new leader, or Jubilate will no longer exist.

ok. all for now. going to go pull myself together before i blog some more.




mood: sad
listening to: nothing

i found this prayer:

A PRAYER
FOR FRIENDS.

I pray for you
No matter what you do wrong.

I pray for you
Because we can never stay mad for long.

I pray for you
Because you were the one who was always there.

I pray for you
For all the joys and times we've shared.

I pray for you
Because through it all
You saw me for me.

I pray for you
Because without you
Only God knows where I'd be.

I pray for you
Because they say
One good friend is all you need.

I pray for you
Because you saw what others failed to see.

I pray for you
Because even when times are tough
True friends never leave.

And I pray for you
Because without real friends
Life is never quite complete.

Amen.

http://www.catholicdoors.com/prayers/english3/p02390.htm

me and my organisers

this is a totally lame and useless post, for the sole purpose of wasting time. i bought this very pretty organiser a few months back for the sole purpose of using it as an address book. but i figured that it's a colossal waste of money if it functions only as address book, seeing as i barely use address books. so i decided to turn it into my daily planner/organiser.

see my transformation. from a blank page into a monthly view and weekly views. guess what, it's all hand made. yup. i used colour pencil and forever friends stencil to make the nice numbers. so proud of it. a very nice and brainless way to destress also. it's like art. haha! and unlike my NUSSU diary, this diary is less likely to get beaten up and crumpled and it looks so nice and sophisticated also. wonder how long it'll take for me to get to the end of the year. i'm currently up to march with the stencilling.but of course, there is an opportunity cost. and to me...the biggest opp cost is that the 'customizations' i made to my NUSSU diary, such as pasting clay's face over the stupid ads, is now redundant. so, i can't see my clay's face anymore in my new organiser. it's too small. and the ink and paper i used to print the pictures are also wasted. sigh. but, being the calender whore that i've become (i have, at last count, 4 calenders prepared for 2007), i may decide to change back to NUSSU diary halfway. so...haha!

and...andrew is now in prague. sent him off at the airport on tuesday. lucky him. he says it's very cold there. but...hey, he's on holiday lor! and he gets to sing and then play and tour austria. that's pretty darn cool.

and clay's giving a tour of his new house that's gonna be aired on tv!! saw the promo clips. wow!!! I LOVE HIS HOUSE! it's one of those rich man house that i wanna live in some day. lol!

alrighty. all for now. supposed to be revising for calculus. i think i'll be flunking calculus today. but, i don't really care at the moment. haha!

p.s. i just realised. my blog is two years old! (est. november 2004)




mood: happy
listening to: May it be - Enya.

while guiltily slacking

i'm wasting my precious study time. not a good thing. but...it's been nice for me. get to blow off a bit of steam.

check THIS out! funny story about a bunch of turkeys found standing at a train platform on wednesday before thanksgiving. cute! they're trying to make a getaway!




mood: guilty
listening to: i'm always ready for you - deborah allen

we are all pilgrims in this life

Pilgrim by Enya

Pilgrim, how you journey
on the road you chose
to find out why the winds die
and where the stories go.

All days come from one day
that much you must know,
you cannot change what's over
but only where you go.

One way leads to diamonds,
one way leads to gold,
another leads you only
to everything you're told.
In your heart you wonder
which of these is true;
the road that leads to nowhere,
the road that leads to you.

Will you find the answer
in all you say and do?
Will you find the answer
in you?

Each heart is a pilgrim,
each one wants to know
the reason why the winds die
and where the stories go.

Pilgrim, in your journey
you may travel far,
for prilgrim it's a long way
to find out who you are...

sick of studying

i'm just about preparing to kiss my dreams of SEP goodbye. au revoir. auf weidersen. goodbye.

spent today going through calculus. i'm going to fail. it looks ok in theory. i understand what i'm supposed to be doing and how i'm supposed to do it. but when i actually sit down and try it out myself, it doesn't work. i literally spent an hour trying to figure out an optimization problem. and i still haven't gotten it solved. the only modules i got a bit of confidence in is EL2101 and GEK1500. i'm officially screwed. goodbye to a good CAP. now i'll be happy if i even pass.

spending the time studying is stressful. especially when you have to handle other stuff on the side. for instance, mum has gotten a job. and she expects me to help her to prepare her stuff for that. then there's the choir. immediately after the exams end i'm gonna be rushing into that to prepare for carolling. then there's the feast day stuff. i skipped a meeting today. can't afford the time to pull out. sigh. and daryl's not coming this sunday and the next sunday either. have to remember to catch dawn to ask if she can take over. else that's one more thing to worry about. the organ. :(

i'm so praying that next year when the new youth team comes in, someone more qualified will be able to take over the choir. there we go again. like i told that guy...(what's his name from juice. the one that appeared for a day and MIA for the rest of the time)...anyway, i think i expect too much of myself. and when i can't handle it, i stress myself out and worry myself silly.

anyway. ya so. stressing out. been dropping by to lurk on the message boards to cool off sometimes. but...scandals happening again. all over clay and kelly ripa this time. long story i'll tell next time. so... :p there too. my clone fic's coming nicely tho. horrible the way inspiration strikes at the wrong time. damn.

oh ya! some question...thanksgiving is supposed to fall on the last thursday of november. but this year, i noticed, the last thursday is actually nov 30th, last day of the month. so why are they celebrating thanksgiving on the 2nd last thursday instead of the last? and i just read an article that seems quite thought provoking. why is thanksgiving celebrated like it's so great when it actually has not too good historical background? not having done american history... the pilgrims came to the New World and just claimed it for themselves despite the fact that there were already people living there and forcing the natives to submit to their rule. the whole history of colonisation is...well...depressing sometimes. it's true that it's the winners who write history. and those who lose...their stories just disappear as if they never existed.




mood: sian
listening to: it's my life - bon jovi

shout out

i dreamt about john little and soo hwa last night. god knows why it suddenly popped up in my dreams. i guess i miss those days more than i know. maybe it's the exam stress, or too much fan fiction, but when i hear sappy songs recently, *g*... for instance, this song "remember me this way" and the one below "same old lang syne". it gets you to thinking about life, romance (or the lack of it) and about stuff like mortality and how time just goes by...and it will never ever come back. and people will grow old and leave your life. and in the end, you're alone.

sigh.





mood: sentimental
listening to: remember me this way - jordan hill

found this song online. it's kinda sad, in retrospect:

Same Old Lang Syne by Dan Fogelberg album: The Innocent Age (1981),

Met my old lover in the grocery store The snow was falling Christmas Eve I stole behind her in the frozen foods And I touched her on the sleeve She didn't recognize the face at first But then her eyes flew open wide She went to hug me and she spilled her purse And we laughed until we cried We took her groceries to the checkout stand The food was totaled up and bagged We stood there lost in our embarrassment As the conversation dragged Went to have ourselves a drink or two But couldn't find an open bar We bought a six-pack at the liquor store And we drank it in her car We drank a toast to innocence We drank a toast to now And tried to reach beyond the emptiness But neither one knew how She said she'd married her an architect Who kept her warm and safe and dry She would have liked to say she loved the man But she didn't like to lie I said the years had been a friend to her And that her eyes were still as blue But in those eyes I wasn't sure if I Saw doubt or gratitude She said she saw me in the record stores And that I must be doing well I said the audience was heavenly But the traveling was hell We drank a toast to innocence We drank a toast to now And tried to reach beyond the emptiness But neither one knew how We drank a toast to innocence We drank a toast to time Reliving in our eloquence Another 'auld lang syne' The beer was empty and our tongues were tired And running out of things to say She gave a kiss to me as I got out And I watched her drive away Just for a moment I was back at school And felt that old familiar pain And as I turned to make my way back home The snow turned into rain

hyper in the face of doom!

i'm feeling pretty hyper these days. even though i shouldn't be.

i played with that website tie-in the book "Divine secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood". There was this link that let you find your ya-ya name. and my ya-ya name is "Duchess Crazy-Like-A-Fox". cool!

and i was listening to this interview clay did with ryan seacrest recently. so funny!! kinda dirty. :D the female interviewer was saying stuff about clay better not piss off ryan cos years from now when he's releasing another album, he's gonna be licking at ryan's ankles wanting to get on the air. and the two guys were making fun of her using the word "licking" instead of "nipping". then they go on to talk about clay's panic attacks and clay jokes he's pretty heavily medicated. and ryan comments that this coming christmas performances will be one of the best ever cos "he pops a couple of pills and he goes out and he sings 'jack frost lickin at your nose'!" hahahaaha!! ask me if you wanna hear the full thing. it's very funny. quite wrong at times.

ya. newae. ya. little things like that make me feel so hyper. lol! still thinking about the jack frost lickin at your nose. geez!! that would be such a freudian slip. sounds so wrong somehow.

k. never mind. wanted to type something for the sake of typing something. cya!



mood: hyper
listening to: nothing.

sometimes i wish i'm part of no religion

know why? cos so far in my life, formal religion has only brought me grief. nothing good has come out of me being part of a formal religion. when i read about things that my religion has done and is doing, i get into this "what the fuck are they thinking?!" mood.

i'm sick of people finding out that i'm catholic and then asking, "why aren't you in css?" of people becoming so fanatical about small things, expecting you to share their point of view. of people proclaiming that you'll go to hell if you don't be baptised. of people discriminating against other people just because they don't follow and believe the bible to the letter. i hate it when they pray that people living in darkness will see the light, be converted and follow the sweet lord jesus onto the right path. *puke* i hate this elitist attitude.

know why i'm in such a bad mood all of a sudden? i just read an article on yahoo about some new regulation in the US catholic church about gays, homosexuals and those who practice contraception and birth control. that was the spark for today. i detest the way supposed 'straight' people treat those who are different from them. they have such a condescending attitude...it's just sick. who are you to judge these people? who are you to say whether they have the right to have communion or be marginalised? let he who is without sin...

i will always remember that catholic woman who violently shoo-ed me away from her door when i tried to sell her those tickets. christianity at its worse.

i could go on ranting but it won't do any good and it'll only offend people further.

i envy those people who have no religion.




mood: blah
listening to: nothing that i want to hear

listen to this!!

love this song: DO I CREEP YOU OUT

weird al is such a genius. listen to the lyrics. :D



mood: very very amused
listening to: do i creep you out - weird al yankovic

something fishy?

and another clay article has appeared. in TODAY paper today. hmm...now, what are the chances of an artist getting 2 articles published consecutively in 2 different papers in 2 days?

think something's up? i do. *fingers crossed*





mood: tired
listening to: nothing

clay article in the New Paper

there was a article on clay in the new paper yesterday. click HERE to read the online version. didn't manage to buy the paper to get a copy myself. so, any kind soul who buys new paper and doesn't want to keep the copy, please give me.

there was quite a bit of controversy/unhappiness about the interview cos of the journalist's apparently not too good attitude/comments. but i think the claymates are just being too sensitive. anyway, now that i'm on my own space...

"Where once he was bored, uncomfortable and guarded during media interviews, Aiken was all sweetness and light"
haha! cute.

"The 27-year-old balladeer was unnaturally chirpy and gave interesting answers, while compliments on his handsome image were met with uproarious, disbelieving laughter."
it's been three years. can't the guy just accept that people think he looks good? this sentence conjures up this little boy image in my mind.

"'Are you trying to say I was ugly before?'"
he was lah. a little. not ugly ugly, just weird ugly.

"Oh Lord, no! I'm not the gym type. Wait, are you saying I've (become) fat? I'm trying to figure out if you calling me fat is a compliment,' he said, highly amused."
if he's fat...then i'm gargantuan. but it's true, he's put on a bit. he looks better now. nice. more macho.

"Aiken recalled: 'It was like facing a time warp mirror. I had not met the young man until I got onstage, and the reaction that came from him... words cannot describe."
ya. time warp mirror is a perfect phrase to describe. michael sandecki was really literally clay's doppelganger or something. who he was years and years ago. it was seriously...clay's described it perfectly. they all say that clay was nervous on that night. but he did a very good job at hiding it. time to go and watch the video again and see if it's true.

"Maybe Aiken's so cheery nowadays because he's been on happy pills."
there was controversy about the journalist calling it "happy pills". don't know. i think it's a matter of perspective. maybe some people think that calling anti-depressants that is offensive. for me, on first glance, it's an ok statement. bit cute too, cos i want happy pills too. but in retrospect, ya, it's not very nice. especially if the person taking it really has a problem and really needs it.

"'Now, I'm not always so nervous in public, and I'm losing my hat more often.'"
i always knew the guy was a little off his rocker.

"Not even bringing up the sensitive topic of his oft-speculated sexuality put a dent in Aiken's aw-shucks armour."
really? i had the impression that the gay rumours were the worse thing to talk about with him. maybe over the phone, she can't really tell how it's affecting him. and good actor as he is, probably he hides his feelings too well.

"'I'm not talking and not addressing this anymore. I'm tired of fighting the fight. My job is to sing and perform and entertain people.'"
you go clay! no point fighting a losing battle there.

"The show continues to maintain its appeal, but after a while the market is saturated with this Idol, that Idol, this Idol."
too right. there's only enough market for a optimum number of Idols. and it's fast approaching the limit (if it hasn't been reached already). singapore with all those chinese talent shows is a prime example.

"'But I do feel this is like my first album again. We're selling it with a normal amount of publicity and fanaticism. "
they're selling with practically no publicity wrt to singapore. i haven't seen cd reviews or radio ads. if i didn't follow online, i wouldn't know that there was a new album out.

"'It's a true test. But from now, anything I do is successful in my eyes.'"
clay once said that failure is when he puts out an album and it's not true to himself. but now that he's doing what he thinks is right, it's a success cos it lives up to his own standards of what it means to be successful. i wish we could all think like that, instead of doing the bell curve and constantly comparing with other people. load of stress that way.

overall, nice article, if you don't analyse it to the depths of being and start imagining all kinds of hidden conspiracies inside it.



mood: ok
listening to: Prince of tides - james newton howard

bitching again

today's bitching topic is the NUS LT26 computer center IBM techie. i regret finishing the survey about service so early. this encounter has got to be one of the worse service experiences of all in NUS.

background. my computer did something funny last wednesday and all of a sudden, it switched from Intel PRO/Set Wireless to windows wireless for no reason at all. and when i check the intel program, it says that "No supported wireless adapters available in the system". Fn+F5 doesn't display wireless radio either. and to top that, it takes 5 minutes from the log-on page to the desktop. i timed it multiple times. so, officially panicking. this is my darling laptop we're talking about.

so, yesterday, i decided finally, to take it to the computer center. long story about that. met dhui for lunch. we went to YIH for sushi. (and there's a computer center there also.) anyway, after sushi, i was supposed to meet su hui to go to fix my computer, but that wasn't for another hour. so, me and dhui went to the sc fac for softshell crab. wasn't bad. not used to it though. then, went back to YIH and hung around the student lounge. later, met su hui and went to the YIH comp center. very unceremoniously we were told that IBM is no longer serviced there. have to go to LT26 comp center. what da hell. we just came back from the sc fac lor. so anyway, i decided that it can wait till the next day, cos i don't want to travel all the way back to the sc fac.

so, today. after EL lecture, went to LT26 comp center with joseph. firstly, the place is so small. and there were 2 people sitting visibly at the counter. i went up to the counter. don't know who to talk to. none of them made a move to ask me anything. for all i know, i might be talking to any student who just wandered into the store. so, i talked to them both. tell them, i think there's something wrong with my IBM...the minute i said IBM, they yelled "IBM!!" to another guy at the back. ok, fine. the IBM tech came out. so i tried to explain to him what's wrong. he gave me this attitude...like he's not interested in what's wrong. his attitude was like, it's working, you've got wireless access, can access the internet, so what's the problem?!

ok, maybe i'm not gifted in the skill of explaining myself well. but his ENTIRE attitude was that if it's working, there's no problem. and my problem is, yes, it's working, but it's not working the way it used to (presumably the way it should be). so, anyway, after i told him that the computer used to be able to use the Intel wireless and it has NEVER used windows wireless before this, he took a slip of paper, and wrote down a number and told me, call IBM hotline. what the fucking hell??!!!!?!?!?!! there's a fucking reason why there is a computer center at NUS in the first place. if i wanted to call IBM directly, you think i'd go out of my way to bring the whole laptop all over the school?! what's the school computer center for anyway?!!!

and then! he says, for the slow log-on, there's nothing we can do about it except to reformat the computer. i think he's missing the point. the point is that, all this was a sudden, literally overnight change. not even overnight change lah. it all occurred within less than an hour's time period. obviously something's wrong right? and his entire attitude was like i'm a stupid paranoid idiot who knows nothing about computers. do you know how annoying that is?!???!?!!!

at the very least, explain to me why the computer suddenly decided to change all its settings. to me, it's pretty obvious that something's wrong. computers don't suddenly change settings for no reason. maybe i did something to it, maybe something happened to its insides. and it's obvious that i think it's obvious. the stupid guy didn't even bother. he was obviously not interested in serving me. and so obviously not interested in my problem. so why da hell is he working there in the first place?! frustrate people only.

anyway, i'm gonna call IBM probably tomorrow, or saturday. i want a second opinion. don't trust that guy. anyway, me in my infinite lousiness (or maybe cos i was just too pissed off) didn't think to ask him to set the wireless back to Intel for me. i think i was just way too pissed that he decided to refer me back to IBM. lucky the guy didn't charge me consultation fee or whatever. i'll kill him if he even dares to do that.

and they're all wondering why NUS alumni don't donate to the school. why should they? the school already eats up enough of our money during our time here. and it isn't like the money eaten up goes to our benefit. this just adds up to another experience that makes me hate the school even more. NUS is possibly the worse school experience in my entire life so far. i regret the day i didn't sign up for NTU.

anyway, ending off on a good note. for something cute and fuzzy, click HERE.




mood: frustrated
listening to: nothing

stolen time

stealing time out of my ma2101 homework time. don't know how to do it. it's the last homework of the semester for this module. YESSSS!!!!! good news from prof lian also. the last chapter of the book (the toughest one about jordan canonical forms) is not going to be in the exam. best news of the semester. :D but for now, still slog through the homework that's due tomorrow. i'm practically completely lost for this. it's weird. he talks in the lecture and i feel like i'm completely on another wavelength from him. i'm hearing what he says. i'm taking down what he's flashing on screen. but i just don't get it. bad.

ma1102 wasn't too bad. the lab session was much much better than the last. at least, maple was cooperating with me and working. i only just found out that all those lab sessions that we've been doing and keying into ivle are counted in our grade. damn. on the one hand, it's good cos in the end there's not going to be a big lab test. on the other hand, bad days like the previous session will horrifically kill my grade. need to work harder for calculus. i'm lagging.

not much. i got another haircut. cos i cannot stand it when the hair is draping all over my neck like it was. it's cut REAL short now. andrew says it looks like ruth's hairstyle. older version of ruth. haah! oh well. it's cool and low maintenance. the hairdresser was saying i have to stop purposely doing center parting cos it's making me lose hair at the center. but...i tried. really. after cutting today, i didn't purposely go to style it center. but it just bounced back anyway. it's gonna take a while to undo the 'damage'.

fr simon pereira (can't spell the name) came to do mass today. and i screwed up the psalm. shit. i haven't sung so badly at the stand for a long time liao. don't know why. i've been cantoring for so long liao but i still cannot cantor without clamming up and feeling like i'll cough my breakfast up just minutes before going up there. i think (i hope) i redeemed myself at the alleluia part. but...on the bright side, andrew's got to do the psalm next week. it's a difficult one. so evil i am. lol!

anyway, fr simon. dunno. i don't really like him too much cos of that issue in novena during the 'davinci code' time. will not talk about it here. just suffice to know that he's been described as "that fanatical priest". i don't remember exactly what he homilied about today. but i do remember that he said that the church (as in the archdiocese) mustn't forget about the youths in the church and must make them feel included cos there's a trend that youths serve mass in the catholic church, then go to protestant church after that. as in...hopping between 2 churches. well...as long as they keep to the promise next year about sending the redemptorist team in for the youth development thing. mum was commenting, it's about time that the archbishop paid more attention to st stephen's. after all, we've got 3 priests that emerged from our church and one that's 'in training'. that's pretty good for such a small church.

other stuff. the SEP applications have opened. i think i'm gonna try and apply again. although i think that this sem's CAP will kinda pull down my chances. sad. but, i'll try. adeline and jasmine say they also thinking of applying. to UNCCH. hope we can go together. fingers and toes crossed.

for those people wondering what da heck is my new music...i'm wondering too. it's called "che sara" by this italian guy Patrizio Buanne. i heard it on pandora radio. sounds pretty cool. i wonder what it means. it's darn hard to find this song lah. the lyrics also. and worse cos i can't hear the individual words the guy is singing. so...anyone italian that knows, let me know k.

allow me to proclaim my want list in all it's self centered glory. i want:
1. a universal remote control to stop time.
2. credit card so i don't have to ... ... ...
3. SEP with my friends.
4. relinquish leadership and become a hermit.
5. ipod mini
6. OFC membership
7. lost 10kg
8. grow to 1.7m
9. "Love Actually" dvd/vcd
10. a nice pair of sneakers.
11. electric piano or
12. electone organ
13. golden retriever dog.
14. leave singapore (ie migrate).

alrighty. all for now. reluctantly, i go back to work.



mood: sian.
listening to: good news - clay aiken

ups and downs

been a while...erm...i don't remember in chronological order what happened so, just randomising my post. not really in the mood to blog, but fingers itchy.

birthday. that was ok. went out for lunch at vivocity. well...i think i only saw a small bit of it, cos it didn't look as impressively big as i expected it to be. had dinner at fish&co. realised that my birthday last year, also went out to fish&co. haha! the drink was nice. took the 'pirate's poison' thingy. mango, passion fruit and sprite. plus red food colouring. and a gummy! shaped like teeth! cool!

had the SCO practice. it was...don't know how to describe it really. weird songs. so tempted to pull out. at least that 'instant is a millennium' thingy in J1 had a tune to it. this one...the lyrics are repeated. the tune is repeated. and it's practically at chanting pace. damn. but, it's a big choir involved. so...if we're lucky, can hide behind the others. lol!

i realise that i'm a very paranoid person. or rather, i developed paranoia over the year. anyway, all saints on 1nov. i thought it was supposed to be our choir's mass. i wrote it in my diary. BUT. i think i made a mistake in the typing of my minutes that time. cos the minutes said that we were supposed to do it on oct31 instead. damn. found out only after the mass. poor marion had to jump in and help out. *muacks* ya.

anyway, and then. we went down anyway for the 1nov mass. combined choir with the sunday evening mass choir. oh. my. god. oh! my! god! they did everything at a snail's pace. @.@ the organist played like she didn't know the songs. know that song "sons of god"? it's supposed to be FAST. they sang it SLOW. and very very very very painfully slowly. "sons. of. god. hear. his. holy. word. ga--ther. round. the. table. of. the. lord..." *cringe* the thanksgiving hymn..."blest are they" was a new one. it was actually quite nice. but...the organist!!! she should have played it better lah. i think for this mass, i could have done better lor.

anyway. my darling computer. something happened to it. don't know why. on tuesday night, i was fiddling with it, cos i was trying to reinstall outlook express. (which didn't work in the end anyway). anyway, the next day, my wireless connection refused to work. said that it couldn't find the IP address or something weird like that. so, paranoid me panicked. and began fiddling round with the comp. which i think i shouldn't have done. ya then. i decided to just leave it alone liao. (scared that i might have permanently damaged my comp). then, dhui came along and asked to use it. so, ok, i thought, it's been a while liao (an hour) just try lah. and you know what?! IT WORKED!!! but. it takes very long to load from the login page to when the desktop appears. someone tell me why. and now, my intel PRO/Set Wireless isn't working. it says that the adaptor is missing. someone please help me.

i was already thinking of reformatting. and i think this issue has kinda speeded up my decision to reformat. now i'm just looking for a way to back up my data before i do it.

talking about computers. sat for the second GEK1500 test on tuesday. I STUDIED. it was ok. at least there wasn't as many questions as last time that i couldn't understand at all. the only one that i was really stumped at was: "In the Dolby Digital 5.1 standard, what does the .1 stand for?" i think it's got something to do with the speakers. like, 5+1 speakers? but i left the question blank. :p

and i think that at the end of the semester, i'm gonna pass my GEK textbook to my mum to study. she's forgotten all the computer basics. like resizing the window. using the start menu. omg. *rollseyes* for someone who knows how to use the internet, she's kinda clueless about basic desktop stuff. the book will be perfect. lol!

clay's getting another CD out. or rather, it's called an EP (extended play). not that i know the difference between the 2. but i don't think we'll get it here in singapore. apparently it's gonna be released in walmart only. on nov28. now, should i ask someone to help me get (someone on clay aiken singapore board was offering), or should i just wait in agony till (and if) singapore gets it? i heard that he's got really good songs on it. eg "my grown up christmas list". love that song. and clay's version is really touching. AND i heard that it's very very very cheap. in SGD, less than $15.

talking about cheap, reminds me of money. there's good stuff coming into singapore next year. Phantom of the Opera in march. Il Divo in januray. and the rumour (from theodora) is clay aiken in february. wow!!! but...no money!!!!!! i wanna go for all!! POTO and Il Divo. which one? which one?! someone be nice and buy tickets for me. heehee! this is where a rich boyfriend comes in handy. lol!




mood: hyper
listening to: right here waiting - bryan adams

a song to make you happy!

when you feel down, just listen to music. and this will definitely put a smile on your face:

I'm Alright

by Jo Dee Messina

Well, it's been a long time, glad to see your face
I knew we'd meet again, another time, another place
Can't believe it's been so many years
You'd better grab a chair and a couple of beers
Lookin' good in your three-piece suit
You know, I always knew you'd take the business route
You were always the one to follow the light
And you look like you're doing alright

Been singin' for my rent and singin' for my supper
I'm above the below and below the upper rung
I'm stuck in the middle, where money gets tight
But I guess I'm doin' alright

[chorus]
I'm all, I'm all, I'm alright
It's a beautiful day not a cloud in sight
So I guess I'm doin' alright
Oh, oh, oh, oh I'm alright
Got a good old friend here with me tonight
And I guess I'm doin' alright

Well, we had a lot of dreams when we were younger
They thought we were crazy but we had the hunger
We kept a lot of friends, skipped a lot of class
Been on top of the world and knocked on our ____
We lost touch, we lost in love
We lost our minds when things got tough
But beatin' time is a losin' fight
And I guess I'm doin' alright

[chorus]
I'm all, I'm all, I'm alright
It's a beautiful day not a cloud in sight
So I guess I'm doin' alright
Oh, oh, oh, oh I'm alright
Got a good old friend here with me tonight
And I guess I'm doin' alright
Well I guess I'm doin' alright

Well I hate to see this evening end
God only knows when I'll see you again
Just send a fax or send me a letter
Or give me a call, that would even be better
Give the kids a kiss for me and say hello to the family
And tell them all my future's lookin' bright
Well, I miss 'em but I'm doin' alright
I said I miss 'em but I'm doin' alright

[chorus]
I'm all, I'm all, I'm alright
It's a beautiful day not a cloud in sight
So I guess I'm doin' alright
Oh, oh, oh, oh I'm alright
Got a good old friend here with me tonight
And I guess I'm doin' alright
Well I guess I'm doin' alright
I'm doin' alright

i'm officially overwhelmed

oh my god! ohmyfreakinggod!

george put me in charge of the FDD opening act. i think...i'm gonna die making it good. i need more time. one of the songs is highschool musical's "we're all in this together". he wants choreographpy. and i just watched the song clip on google video. shit! the choreo is so chim!!! i can't learn it in forever. and he wants me to teach a bunch of below 10s to dance it. someonepleasekillmenow.

on the other hand, maybe the kids watch HSM so much that they know the steps way better than me. we still have two months. *being hopeful*

come down and attend the FDD. it's only $500 for regular tables and $888 for gold tables. the opening act is gonna rock!!!

i really need someone to take something off my hands. this december alone: choir camp, choir carolling, NUS-SCO performance, someone's wedding, FDD, midnight mass. and we've done nothing as yet. the girls are doing exams (like,ALL of them). the guys don't bother. the tenors have yet to come and schedule a make up sectionals with me. i am SO tempted to just cancel everything. then i can go holiday with my family instead of having to nitpick the dates.

don't know how to handle all this. and i'm lagging in schoolwork. that's my own problem lah. but it still adds up to the whole problem. i'm too much of a yes-man for my own good.

as soon as i can find someone to take over choir, i will step down.



mood: overwhelmed
listening to: we are all in this together - highschool musical

random

i'm proud of my poster:
mum was saying, why i must be so extra and put it on the outside board instead of inside with all the others. on reflection, i think, isn't that good? you remember it. it sticks out from the rest. like i learnt last sem, even bad publicity is publicity, those horrible ads that you just hate have achieved their goal cos you remember them.

but of course, this doesn't qualify as a horrible ad now does it?

anyway, other stuff. today was a good day so far. morning mass went very very very very well. so proud of the choir! they all showed up today and sang so well. *hugs all round* and i could hear the communion kids belting out the "our father" as only kids can belt out. ruth did well, except for that one very little screw-up which, unfortunately, she let the whole world know she screwed up. but hey, she's only 11. at her age, this is very good liao.

khoo had a one and a half hour mass today cos he did a half hour speech about the various church ministries on top of his usual homily and the communion stuff. the church was packed. it was like a high mass. i'm kinda glad that this year's first communion was different from previously. previously no one knew when first communion was being held, there was no celebration or commemoration. but this year... :D

then, after mass, colleen pulled me downstairs where the choir was there with an early bdae cake. *aw* happy. never had people sing bdae song like that for me before. sweet. :D

and then, i finished my first draft of the EL project part 2 writeup. yay! needs to polish up a bit more before i pass it to wen hui to edit and input. haha! picking up a lot of bad academic habits this sem from people i hang out with.

was blog surfing a bit. was glad to see that joseph was happy in his entry. nice to know, cos he's the one person that i spend the most time with this sem and he's almost perpetually down from school and stuff. so, that's nice that he's not so down now. seeing chin lin rambling around london. *jealous* i want that too. oh and...i might not go to su hui's blog too often next year and in the run up to next year. cos she's going to UNC. i'm sad. i wanna go too. so...just to prevent myself from becoming too blah about that.

anything else...i discovered from jas(?) or su hui(?) about pandora internet radio. that is COOL! it plays stuff that it thinks you'll like, rather than fixed radio stations. but so far, it seems stuck on my first selection. so, still need to play with it and see if it can play other stuff. :D

my clone fiction is coming to an end pretty soon. gonna miss playing around with timothy and fin. haven't got that much time to continue much of the sequel. running out of plot ideas. i'm not a naturally creative person. especially when it comes to guy-girl stuff. haha!



mood: happy
listening to: some guy making noise in the carpark downstairs.

look!

click HERE.
very funny!!

of friendships, handphones, creeps and church again

i watched "crossroads" last night. yes, the britney spears movie. it was actually not that bad. apart from britney's absolutely annoying voice. she's one of those singers that her speaking voice is tolerable, but after too much singing...*cringe*

anyway, i'm not gonna talk too much about the movie per se. while i was watching it, i was reflecting on my own state of friendships. me, sumi, dhui and poh lin. two years ago...we were like those 3 in the movie. really tight, friends forever. and now...we've like, scattered. those 3 friends scattered so much that their personalities were in total different social classes. one was the class nerd, one was the odd ball, the other was the prom queen. imagine. and it's like...sad that over the years, what we wished would last forever, all those friendships and memories, feelings, they just disintegrate and vanish as time goes by. oh crap, guess what my media player is playing now. "goodbye" by the spice girls. how apt. anyway, ya, it's sad. i think of those friends like jac, zhengying, chinlin...if i see zhengying now, she's practically a total stranger to me. know what i mean? how poignantly sad it is when friendships just vanish. they don't break apart or be blown apart or whatever. it's just, over the years, lack of contact, neglect of the relationship...and suddenly, your best friend 10 years ago becomes a stranger.

sometimes i think about those people who were friends to me but not anymore. wonder what happens in their life now. there's a girl in uni, i've seen her around. we used to be friends in primary school where we parted after graduating. now, i pass by her like a stranger. i don't know if she remembers me. but i remember her. sometimes i'm scared that it's gonna happen again. i know it's happening again. me and jacqueline are in the process. sumi, if we continue as we are, it will happen too. i guess this is the nature of relationships. having no boyfriend, i can only analyse relationships from girlfriends perspectives. it's so true that relationships need a lot of work. i still keep up with chinlin and jac through their blogs. but ask me to have a personal conversation with them like 10 years ago, and i can't anymore. we've all moved on from that stage of our life and relationships from that stage. all because we never worked to keep up the relationship and friendship.

anyway, moving on. i saw jasmine's blog. i owe the girls some photos. here ya go!

pictures the 3 proud motorola owners took at starbucks with my samsung. :D

moving on again. last night. choir was a disaster. it was a disaster that never happened before. it was supposed to be tenor sectionals. they never showed up. i hung around till 8. then andrew appeared to learn his psalm. taught him his psalm. 8.30. they didn't show up. so, left. i forgot to reiterate my threat to them today. sick and tired of having to nag them so much.

today's mass was disasterous too. 5 seconds before mass was supposed to start, there was no animator. i saw aunty agnes there so i went and asked her where's the animator. so she's like, "there's no animator? you all do it lah." *rolls eyes* she's the bloody lector, not us. this is probably one of the reasons why the youth are so sick of the church. i'll talk more on that later. tian was playing today for the first time. for her first time, she made it ok through the first half of the mass. then, disaster struck from thanksgiving onwards. firstly, she forgot to do the intro for "seek ye first". but that was ok cos the rest of the song went well. the worst disaster was the recessional "prayer of st francis". i made the mistake of assuming that she was familiar with the song. so we didn't rehearse it. partly cos the choir all turned up LATE again. so, she didn't know the flow of the song. and so disaster. i don't really want to relive it. but it was partly my fault, i'd admit. learn my lesson, move on.

scary experience at church yesterday. the side staircase is closed now. so for the first time, i entered the church by the new staircase. the lights were off at the top of the stairs. which would have been ok, if not for an opening into a room by the side of the staircase. and that room was pitchblack. it was so scary. imagine...that kind of room that got scary things that jump out at you. and then! got away from the room, was trying to on the light only to find that...the light didn't work. had to pass by the old staircase also. it was boarded up with something, in the dark i couldn't see. but just imagine the scene. suddenly there's a void in front of you. in the dark. but...being brave, i walked on to the main church hall. i step on something soft when going through the doorway. *cringe* reassures myself that it's probably construction stuff that they put on the floor (it is a rubber mat, i found out later). as i enter the church hall, i'm disoriented for a minute for some reason. the mary statue is missing from it's usual place. there's a sillouette of the st anthony statue in the back that's clearly showing up. no details, just the shadow outline. i rush to the light switch, praying that it works. in the second before i on the switch, i see a shadow figure on the altar also. @.@ quickly turns on the switch and is SO relieved when the light goes on. the thing on the altar was the mary statue. first time in my 20 years in the church that i've seen it outside of it's niche. it just doesn't look right somehow. anyway, then, i'm ok, with the light on. i on the organ to practice. the light is not very strong btw, so a lot of the church is still in shadow. so, i'm playing...and fr khoo appears out of nowhere behind me. &.& anyway, thank god, he goes to the sacristy and turns on more lights. but not all the lights, just those in the choir area. now, i'm back to my playing and constantly reassuring myself that this is a church and there are no ghosts gonna pop out and scare me in a church. meanwhile, i'm playing "blest are you lord". fyi, it's kinda minor key type of song. and i *think* i hear whistling, someone whistling the song. *.* tries to convince myself that it's just feedback from the organ. anyway, thank god, andrew showed up very soon after that and suggested that it was someone downstairs who heard me playing and was whistling along. geez. i was never so scared before in church.

back to why the youth maybe sick of the church. my own experience. they're wearing us way too thin. making us do everything that needs doing in the church. now, i'm handling choir. i'm also secretary to whatever they need someone to be secretary to that i happen to be attending. i just finished doing the poster for music ministry recruitment (kinda proud of that one tho). khoo announced that there's a retreat for PPC exco members next sunday. i was asked to go for that also. I AM PART OF MUSIC MINISTRY. I AM NOT PART OF PPC EXCO. I HAVE NO INTENTION OF BEING PART OF PPC EXCO. and, as demonstrated earlier, we're expected to double up as lectors also. any work needs to be done, "the youths will do it!" *rolls eyes* simply put, they're expecting so much of us. joseph once suggested that i should become a missionary, since i do so much church work and want to travel. lol!

fk gave a long lecture recently about doing stuff and not accepting thanks cos once you accept thanks, the merits that came from the doing is lost. *rolls eyes again* to quote that poster i saw "one cannot survive on a diet of hope." i'm so ready to throw in the towel if i have the chance. that's the worse part. i feel insignificant. fk still can't get my last name correct. he called me irene lee, irene wong. never my name. and it's not like i didn't correct him the first time he called me irene lee. it's like, i already do a lot for the church, and you still don't know my name?!!!?! same with all the others. no one knows that i've taken over from dawn since the beginning of the year. people still think that i took over from verena. they see me at meetings and assume that i'm representing the youths. and that's another problem. cos everyone BUT fk sees the 10am choir as the youth choir. Jubilate is the youth choir. 10am choir is the one that fk dreams about. and i don't know which to side with. i don't want to offend either side. :p a nice dilemna we have here. never mind. it's a problem that will remain as long as the stereotype of the 10am choir remains. he's got one and a half years more. time to start doing countdown. ^.^

alrighty. time to stop wasting time and get back to work. still got MA2101 homework, EL2151 project, MA1102 tutorial to work through. that's not counting my non-academic stuff like the nus choir and Jubilate stuff. where does the time go?



mood: don't know.
listening to: show me your glory - third day

stuff i forgot to mention

the haze was bad last saturday. not pretty bad or quite bad. it was VERY VERY VERY bad. the psi went up so high. i never remembered it ever being this high before. the smoke everywhere. it was like being up on a mountain, except that mist on a mountain doesn't smell quite as bad. i was surprised when i came out of LT3 on a hill. everywhere else was misty. wondering what had happened. but it was the haze. last saturday, fonz's dad gave us a lift back from church cos it was way too bad to be walking around unprotected in it. it's times like these, the church needs to get air-con. and you know what? even in the midst of all that smoke, people are still smoking! i feel like modifying ty's method of saying "lung cancer" very loudly at them. modify to say, "wah, the haze VERY bad today ah...a lot of smoke in the air." can't understand them. what for still need to smoke? got free smoke in the air liao. ;D

last sunday was fr khoo's 66th bdae dinner. he gave choir a table. it was ok. the haze had cleared for that night. thank god. can you imagine sitting in the smoke trying to eat? downright unhealthy. anyway, the dinner...was kinda routine lah. the band was not bad. the singing was passable. reminded me a little of reso. that ang moh girl was the only really enthu one of the set. there were auctions held, largely by fr paul auctioning off wines. there was also auction of 3D2N stay with fr paul at pandan gardens. haha! the winning bid was $1000. not bad. some KARAOKE QUEENS got up to sing cantonese songs. fr khoo tried to sing "pass it on". it was horrific. click HERE to watch it if you dare. (the quality's VERY bad. hp wasn't very powerful.) ruben got up to sing the birthday song. nice voice he has, for a kid, like his sister.

and to end off, i managed to get hold of clay's 'bonus' itunes song LOVER ALL ALONE. the lyrics are so sad. apparently clay wrote (or co-wrote) the lyrics. i really wonder what happened that inspired him to write these lyrics:

Maybe I've convinced myself I've really been in love
And I've been wrong
All along
For all I know the feeling and the picture that I tried so hard to find isn't mine
Could be it's all just a waiting game
Wanna share my everything

And on my own
It's hard to tell my heart it'll be alright
That this love it holds will one day find a home
As hard as love can be, it's harder still it seems
To be a lover all alone
Without love

Picking up the pieces makes me wonder if I only build it all
To watch it fall
The faster it can go away it means the less of me is gone to stay
And I'm okay
But lonesome
Tomorrow comes anyway
I'm alone for another day
Another day

And on my own
It's hard to tell my heart it'll be alright
That this love it holds will one day find a home
As hard as love can be, it's harder still it seems
To be a lover all alone
Without love

And on my own
It's hard to tell my heart it'll be alright
That this love it holds will one day find a home
As hard as love can be, it's harder still it seems
To be a lover all alone
Without love

Maybe I've convinced myself I've really been in love
But I've been wrong
All along.



mood: guilty (should be studying)
listening to: braveheart theme - enya

just updating for the sake of updating

so here i am again. at the start of the weekend with lots of stuff looming to do but no incentive to do it. so...what's been happening with my week...

well, not going for that work and travel US thing. :p parents don't allow. :( wat to do? like that lor. life's like that. still going to try for SEP though.

EL2151 midterm on wednesday. i didn't study much. so, thank goodness for my A1 in GP. i knew the skills would come in handy someday. even though it is complete crap that i wrote. biological factors, i wrote autism as an eg. crap.

passed MA2101 midterm. got 58%. ok lah. at least pass. the MA2101 homework, the idiot tutor almost gave me 10. then for some weird reason, he decided to change his mind and gave me 9. :p
finally got round to seeing raj about the choir equipment. it's done. he's satisfied with the equipment liao. but i think we're still missing 2 pitchpipes that CFA doesn't know about. so...still got tracking to do in the history of NUS choir.

after one hour of talking crap, fk has finally given his decree regarding midnight mass. we're to do a combined choir. i guess we can do that. i feel overwhelmed when i think of this coming december. i don't know where to start. i don't know what needs to be done. :p

er...what else? don't think there's anything. boring life. can't think.




mood: sianz
listening to: o holy night - celine dion

i hate my life

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

Feeling so faithless lost under the surface
Don't know what you're expecting of me
Put under the pressure of walking in your shoes
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

Can't you see that you're smothering me
Holding too tightly afraid to lose control
Cause everything that you thought I would be
Has fallen apart right in front of you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
Every step that I take is another mistake to you
(Caught in the undertow just caught in the undertow)
And every second I waste is more than I can take

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

And I know I may end up failing too
But I know You were just like me
With someone disappointed in you

I've become so numb I can't feel you there
I've become so tired so much more aware
I'm becoming this all I want to do
Is be more like me and be less like you

and some...

finished my MA1102 midterm test!!!!!!! yay! it wasn't as bad as i expected. it was miles better than MA1101 one year ago. ok, it wasn't like i knew how to do everything. i still haven't figured out how to find the limit as x approaches 5 for (sqrt(x^2 - 9) - 3)/(sqrt(x^2 - 16) - 4). so, 4 marks gone cos i couldn't even start that question. but that was the only one. the rest i think i'll get at least partial marks. haha! happy!

i'm kinda glad that i skipped calculus tutorial just now. cos at least i used the time to do last minute revision, get some shut eye (had super insomnia last night). so, in no mood right now to start MA2101 homework. tired.

and that's all i'm going to talk about now. till i've sorted out my thoughts about other stuff, adieu mes amies!




mood: tired, happy
listening to: broken wings - clay aiken

i cut my hair!

yes, it's a big event! i haven't cut my hair for at least 2 years. bring out the champagne and chocolates!

Before:After:

Nice?

dropping by

alrighty. see what a time waster i am. midterm break's almost over. and i have not accomplished much. sad to say. sigh. where has all the time gone? anyway, way back when...monday. hady became SG idol 2. muahahahaha! knew it. I KNEW IT!!!! jonathan cannot sing! the new single song was so cool! it totally fit hady so well. it was obviously not suited for jon's voice. haha! error in judgement cost him the title of SG idol. little tidbit i heard. i heard that both hady and taufik auditioned to be bar singer at this certain bar. and while hady got the place, taufik did not. BUT look at both of them now! both are SG idol. woah! is that cool or what?! anyway, mum and dad got tickets to go to the indoor stadium for the show. :p i wanted to go but mum didn't allow me to skip choir. bleah.

nus choir. that is becoming one of my full time jobs sia. i spent practically the ENTIRE break on choir stuff. how sad is that? my life revolves solely around school and choir. seriously. i was so depressed with my life, on thursday night, i almost cried at the bus stop while waiting for the freaking bus. at that point, thank god for portable clack. i do NOT want to make a fool of myself in public. i think i'm becoming more and more depressed. :p not good. it's a psychological illness, depression is. anyway, cos thursday was a BAD day.

thursday, woke up in pain from leg cramp in my right leg. fucking pain lah! can you imagine. i couldn't move to rub my leg to warm it up. can practically feel every single freaking muscle in my calf contracting and twisting. now i know how people can drown from having leg cramps. anyway, then, bright and early, went to the UCC for the PM workshop. that went ok. slept in the 151. aircon! down side, there was tv mobile but my mp3 could cover the sound, so it was ok. despite my effort to leave the house later, i still reached the UCC half hour early. :p first half of the workshop was ok. there were less people than wednesday tho. but that was ok. had lunch with johni at business. had toothache. from that weird jutting out tooth at the back. i think it was caused because when i was chewing my sweet, i bit it down wrong. damn scared lah. i don't want to have to pull out the tooth. and when that part of the mouth has problems, the defects can be felt in all it's horrigible detail. so...

the afternoon session was ok, i think. we were back about 10minutes early to the UCC. johni accidently kiaped my left toe in between the seats in the hall. oh. my. god. P-A-I-N!! it was those foldable seats, you know the kind that springs upwards when you don't sit in them? ya, those kinds. at the back, there was hard plastic casing and a space between the chair back and the seat. so, my foot was there, and johni didn't know and he released the chair. the rest is history. you know the interesting part, there isn't even a blue-black on my toe. so, there you go. 2 legs in pain. almost fell asleep in the afternoon session. so sleepy. and the hall so nice to sleep in.

anyway, after the thing, went to YIH to photocopy carolling scores for jubilate. :p i should make them all pay me sia. such a large bulk of my money goes to photocopying for them. why that fk create so much redtape to use the machine in the priests house??! anyway, then, went to subway for dinner. something interesting also. the cashier guy gave me one of those huge plastic cups free. O.O cool! i actually thought he did it by accident, cos the lady before me was asking how much one of those cost and he told her it wasn't for sale. the story of how i got the cup, as i paid for my meal, he plonked my food and the cup on the counter. i was planning to just leave the cup cos i didn't think it was mine. then, i noticed that one of the handles of my food plastic bag was broken, so i asked him for another bag. he took another bag, and put the cup into the bag and pushed it towards me. okay...so, i assumed the cup was mine and took it. haha! i gave the cup to joseph in the end. he was saying he needed a water bottle. and besides, i already got one of those at home that i don't use. so, rather than letting it collect dust...

actually, looking back, i don't know why the day ended up with me almost crying at the bus stop. it was ok wat. maybe cos i was so darn tired. and thinking about jubilate, the event management stuff...dunno. i can't remember. i just know that it was so bad...i had to resort to clack to make me happy. i had loaded the MAKING FACES into my player. so watched that (go watch!). made me smile. god bless clay for being able to do that. that was thursday.

then, friday. was an interesting day. firstly, i was supposed to meet jasmine and co at 11am at tamp to do our EL project. i overslept. when i woke up, i found that it was already 10am. so, rushed lor. took the train. and guess what! i was the first one to arrive! muahahaha! me, jasmine, su hui and adeline went to starbucks first. it was SO empty. we were supposed to be observing the language use there, but it ended up being an outing. haha! we ordered coffee and cakes and gossiped. then we went to ya kun and basically did the same thing. if i wasn't on a time limit, we would probably have gone to burger king and cafe cartel also. haha! had some fun at least.

friday afternoon was blown on linear algebra. thank god joseph asked me if i did the homework yet cos i did not know there was homework to do on it. so, rushed it out. haven't finished yet. left 3 questions i think. that crazy prof lian. i seriously seriously do not know what he's trying to do. i cannot understand his book at all. and you know what one of the questions implied to do? it implied for us to find the determinant of a 4x4 matrix. i took one entire foolscap page and still didn't get the answer. and most frustrating, that part i think needs a theorem that i've heard of but never proven. and me being stupid as i am, can't do proofs from scratch like that. so, refer to my MA1101 textbook. the theorem is there but "the proof of this part is beyond the scope of this text and will be omitted". wtf.

saturday. had the skin center performance in the morning. running late. but i ran into iris, huai zhi and adyll on the train. muahaha! so, not so bad given that the president and SC is late too. the performance went quite ok i think. some of the juniors seemed unsure of the choir protocol regarding attire. some of them were not wearing black accessories, strappy heels, and some were still wearing their jewellery. and some of them didn't know how to tie the skirt. *shakes head* anyway, i didn't do much work today. i just couldn't concentrate. so sad.

tmr really have to chiong for MA1102 liao. the test on tuesday and i still don't understand squeeze theorem and the epsilon-delta definition. die.




mood: sick (runny nose)
listening to: my bro practicing for his solo tmr.